The Presidential Raffle

Sarah Palin is determined to bring a cartoon character to the White House, dag blammit. Or is it Joe Six-Pack we're supposed to elect? I get confused. But gosh darn it, why can't we just have some ordinary person leading the country--somebody just as dim as you or I?

After reading every scrap of media that was put before me this morning, I pondered Palin's proposal and--wouldncha know it?--I experienced some kind of epiphany. Of course, and golly gee! We don't really need an election at all. We could save all that money--all those months of campaigning and mind-numbing television ads--as well as a whole lot of personal anxiety by just holding a presidential raffle.

Gee willickers, we've already got all the infrastructure in place (wink, wrinkle nose). We could just drop everyone's Social Security number into a hat and pick two winners, one for president, one for vice-president.

Now, that wouldn't guarantee we put someone perfectly average in the White House (gosh, it'd be hard to top the current occupant, wouldn't it?). There's always a chance we might pick a Harvard-educated lawyer or constitutional scholar or--perish the thought--community organizer. But at least this way, everyone would have a fair shake. In fact, I betcha our chances of getting a truly average president would be better than average.

Holy cow! I say go fer it.